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Help for Family & Friends
People can and do recover from eating disorders with the help of a multidisciplinary treatment team. But the longer symptoms are denied or ignored, the more difficult recovery will be. If you or someone you know may suffer from an eating disorder, seek help now.
How to get started? By talking about it. It may seem difficult or stressful to approach someone you suspect has an eating disorder; you may worry about what to say or about their reaction. So we offer the following suggestions:
Be Patient
When you approach the individual for the first time, don’t be surprised if your expression of concern is rejected or met with anger and denial. Recognize that it will take time to make changes and that they can only get better at their own pace.
Be Knowledgeable
An eating disorder is not about vanity; the underlying causes are complex, varied, and personal. Read as much as you can to better understand the disorder. Find information and share it.
Be Compassionate
Eating disorders are mental illnesses; food/weight issues signal deeper problems. Understand that the person is doing the best she/he can at the moment. Show compassion for their pain and confusion.
Be Encouraging
Help your friend see that he/she is more than the eating disorder. Affirm any strengths and interests that are unrelated to food or physical appearance, and mention all the other positive things going on in his/her life.
Be Nonjudgmental
Seeing someone you love struggling with an eating disorder might make you feel scared, angry, frustrated, and helpless. But be careful not to assign blame or shame. Show support by validating the healthy changes they do make, however small.
Be Realistic
Do not take on the role of therapist. Do only what you feel capable of while caring for your own physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. Encourage the person to seek professional help. Know your limits: you can be supportive; you can offer relevant information; you can show them alternatives. You cannot make them get better. They alone must choose recovery.
Conversation Guide
- Focus on feelings and relationships, not on weight and food.
- Tell them you are worried about their health but respect their privacy.
- Share your concern; the individual will appreciate knowing that you care.
- Do not comment on how they look. They’re all too aware of their body. Even compliments only reinforce their obsession with weight and body image.
- Stay positive. Find neutral, comfortable places and times to discuss the issues. Try to focus on the main reasons you are concerned or in conflict.
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